Tag Archives: recovery

A Surprise Gift: from Paris, with Love

My talented friend and filmmaker, Xavier S. Delpeuch, created this lovely clip for me.

I am undeserving!

Thank you so much mon ami <3.

(His channel on YouTube is wonderful — definitely worth checking out. <3)

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Filed under and angels, art, diary, film, life, love, painting, people, photography, Street Art, Uncategorized

I WILL KEEP DANCING: Grace. Happy Mother’s Day to my little boy.

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Filed under and angels, art, books, children, cool stuff, diary, duality, dysfunction, enlightenment/spirit, existentialism, film, imperfection, life, love, mental illness, MUSIKKKKK, nature, people, photography, poetry, random, sadness, saints, saints, sinners, and angels, sinners, stupidity, The Good Life, Uncategorized

How To Disappear Completely

How To Disappear Completely.

(On the third anniversary of this photograph, now fully recovered.)

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Filed under cool stuff, diary, duality, enlightenment/spirit, existentialism, imperfection, life, love, sadness, sinners, smokin", stupidity, The Good Life

No GOODBYES. See you again, my friend. (For Stephanie C. Havran. 10/17/83 – 7/24/2014. I miss you so much, mama.)

i love you, always. xox Jaybird

i love you, always.
xox Jaybird

I lost one of my best friends last night.
I feel like I am swimming underwater.
She was only 30,
and left behind a 12 year old little boy who adored her.

She was a beautiful, brilliant, shiny soul —
who could not get past the broken part of her that hurt so
badly with the mental/emotional torment that many uber-intelligent people
endure.
We read the same books, listened to the same music, wore
the same kind of clothes, both loved David Foster Wallace
and swimming and trees, art, writing, and BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS.

She invited me over to swim a few days ago and I
was busy. The grief I feel at not having gone is
unfathomable. I hate myself for this.
I will never see her sunshiny blond head and shy smile
again.

I watched her try so hard, and grow, and bloom…
I was wearing her clothes this morning when I found out.
She was a recovering anorexic who gave me heaps of her “skinny clothes” —
just five days ago.
(I told her I was glad that at least SHE did not fit into them, and then laughed sarcastically at my morbid self-deprecation.)
She said she prayed for me every day and gave me a hug.

SHe ALWAYS gave me a hug hello, and goodbye.

If you love someone dearly, please make sure you tell them today.
Give them a hug too. Ask them how they are…
how they REALLY are.

You just never know when they
will gave you the last
hug
ever.

Rest in peace, Stephanie, dear friend.
I hope you finally have found peace.
You are loved and will be missed by so many.

I will write to you in my journal later. I know you will read it, and I know you heard me when I cried in the woods today. My arm hairs stood up. I love you.
I will NOT say goodbye.

I will say,simply,

See you again.

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Filed under enlightenment/spirit, existentialism, film, life, love, MUSIKKKKK, people, sadness, saints, sinners, and angels, Uncategorized

The NYC Cockroach: A Brief Tutorial

The NYC Cockroach: A Brief Tutorial.

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Filed under diary, duality, enlightenment/spirit, existentialism, film, imperfection, life, love, stupidity